Working on my introduction

The first intro was the best to me. The writer used many adjectives to describe a scene that I could actually picture in my head. I even could see myself in a department store doing almost exactly as the writer described. I was pulled in immediately and wanted to keep reading to see what has going to happen. The ethos seems trustworthy, believable, interesting, the tone is a bit comedic. I can tell they are developing a kind of relationship that sucks readers in right away; the writer wants to capture my attention immediately in hopes that I'll stick around to read the rest of the paper. Based on the intro I am assuming the paper is about subliminal messages in advertisement and media.

I've never heard of the Tort System, or of the phrase "the long arm of the law" but based on what I gathered in the second intro is that having such control over society can lead to damming effects. This intro was straight to the point and the writer seems to want me to think about how law effects me in everyday life and it wants to teach me about this system. The tone is very serious, no undertones of comedy like the first one, so that could make for credibility. I believe what they say about the law having control in general but I can't believe anything about this Tort system until I read on. Based on how it started, I think I would be interested to keep reading.

The third intro did nothing for me. There were a few grammatical errors that drove me crazy, and the writing was just boring. The sentences were so cold and dry, it was like a robot typed it. The ethos being created appear genuine and credible but this writer does nothing at all to capture the reader. I wouldn't be interested in reading this paper at all. Seems like something a high schooler would write. It's very obvious what this paper is about, the writer made that clear several times in the intro.

The intro had the reader imagining again by telling a story and placing you right in the middle of it. Always a good start. They want to develop a close relationship with you and attempt to make their paper relatable to your own situations. Unfortunately I have no idea where this one is going. If I had to guess I'd assume the paper is about rights that will be taken away from us when we reach adulthood? Could be a government/political paper, or maybe about cigarettes being banned all over? No clue really. I would like to keep reading because I want to know where the writer is going with this intro.

Number five is again asking me to use my imagination which I mentioned earlier that I enjoy, but this time it's a little dull. No awesome adjectives, not comedic relief, just seriousness about the environment. The writer wants to scare readers into listening to what they have to say about their topic. I believe what they are saying is credible, but does it make me want to continue reading? No, not really. I tried to think of ways to make this topic into a better intro but I came up empty-handed. This is a serious topic and if you're human you've known about this issue for a long time. Honestly, I don't know that this would be a good topic in any class unless it was an environmental science class I suppose.

"Maybe you haven't noticed", and "most of you likely...", and "you may be tempted...". The sixth intro really seems to make me feel like they are better than me and they know all about what I think and how I feel. Not a good start. I don't think this is the best way to draw in readers. I feel like they are not on my side and even blame me for the planet's mess or for my ignorance. This paper rubs me the wrong way already and I wouldn't wan to keep reading. However, it gave me another intro about the environment to compare #5 to. I guess if I had to choose I'd pick #5 because it used that imaginative perspective that I like.

Seventh intro-good one. Futuristic thoughts, lots of comparing. Bringing back memories of the past, mentioning shows and movies I've seen. The writer seems to know how to pull in readers by sharing relatable thoughts and ideas. Can't really say what this paper is about but I'd be interested in continuing to read it. If I had to guess on this one, I think they are going to tell me about why we aren't as futuristic as what we imagined we would be back in the day. Can't imagine where that would go, however, but that's why I would wanto to learn more about what the writer has to say.

As you can probably see by now, I enjoy papers where the writer uses comedic, entertaining, imaginative intros to their papers. Blatently laying out EXACTLY what youur paper is about right away kind of defeats the purpose and leaves nothing left to the reader's curiousity and imagination. Based on these observations I just made, I will go back and make sure my paper does just that.

Reflecting on My Own Reflection

After doing the reflection assignment and reading other blogs, I realize that my reflection paper isn't much of my own honest thoughts but more about what I read and learned. It is pretty cold and dry and I think I need to make it more personable. I agreed with my own responses to these questions, as well as other responses that I've read so now I just need to apply these to my own reflection.

Reflecting on Reflective Writing in Our Class

Dani Seeger and Steph Matheus

Writers who say "I think" or "I believe" make me believe that their own thoughts are involved in their writing. Also, when writers talk about past experiences it shows that their own self is incorporated into the paper.

When writers talk about soething trivial or taboo, it shows that they are being completely honest and are not concerned about what others think about them.

When writers talk about a personal experience or about another reading or source they thought of after reading an article, it tells me that they were really engaged with the reading.

Writers who bring in new ideas to the paper, and showing how their thoughts have differed show that they have learned; we also see this when they revise their writing several times. Making generalities out of particular circumstances is optional but it isn't needed.

I think they do need to show if their ready to apply these principles because these processes can be applied to several aspects of life. The more you know the better it will be.

When drafts change, and they call out thoughts they've had before and what thoughts they have now, show that their thinking has developed. This convines me that they've learned.

Writers should show examples of different things they've learned and their process of thinking toward new ideas and should also address the readings that have affected them, if any have really affected them.

Drafting Posters

I've learned by creating these that, like writing, there is a process and what you create can affect people differently. By arranging the pictures and the text in a certain way, my paper can make different points. I found that by arranging the items on my poster, my poster made more sense the more I played around with it. The less junk I had on my poster, the better it became. The point is clear, without having to spell it out. All of these things relate to the composing process.

Evaluation of My Writing

Almost missed this blog post-was too busy focusing on my current paper and the eval. Relating to what is on the rubric, I think I need to expand more on all of my sources and not use only one for the majority of my paper. I refer to Pugach a lot but that's because she makes great points in her book, all that I agree with and will follow when I am a teacher. But I will work on integrating more the other sources I found. I also will make sure that my paper is not too one-sided. Some may think that I am being disrespectful by referring to not-so-good teachers as quitters and failures so I will work on taking that out so that it doesn't turn some away.

Week 11-Creative Writing Workshop

After receiving feedback, I learned about a few sentences that completely contradict the point I am trying to make! Oops! I can see why I added those sentences, and I know what I was trying to say when I wrote it, but now that someone else read it and explained what they thought I was saying I realize it definitely doesn't fit. So, I need to work on changing them around to get my point across or just remove them altogether. I'm fine with either option. She also pointed out to me a really good idea I had in my paper and mentioned that I should expand on it a little more. She's right. The paragraph is very short and I can definitely give a few more ideas around the topic that needs expanding.

Week 11-Revising Comments

I haven't received the copies of my drafts from my classmates so I'm not sure what feedback they had but I've talked to a few of them who have read it or heard about my ideas for my paper. The latest revision I did was really getting my conclusion down and making the suggestions for solving the issue flow well with the rest of the paper. I still don't have a title, which is pretty much the hardest part of my paper so far, but hopefully I will have that before tomorrow night's class. I also went through and read my paper again and fixed many small errors and even replaced some words and sentences with others to make it sound better. I even found a point where I felt the need to insert the feelings that I had at that point in time, so I think I will read it one more time before Wednesday night's class to make sure I really wanted that thought included in my paper (sometimes I get carried away, but usually I can catch myself and fix it before I go too far).
Overall, I think that revisions that I've made over the course of creating the paper have been helpful in making my paper sound more relatable and less like a technical, dry research paper. My ideas have been inserted more than actual quotes from other people so I think that makes my paper show more feeling; I am talking about why students from different culture backgrounds receive an unequal treatment in schools, which in turn is the reason for the achievement gap, so there should be real feeling involved in order to sway my readers into believing what I do. Thus, to me, showing my voice in this writing rather than using someone else's voice is most important.