I haven't received the copies of my drafts from my classmates so I'm not sure what feedback they had but I've talked to a few of them who have read it or heard about my ideas for my paper. The latest revision I did was really getting my conclusion down and making the suggestions for solving the issue flow well with the rest of the paper. I still don't have a title, which is pretty much the hardest part of my paper so far, but hopefully I will have that before tomorrow night's class. I also went through and read my paper again and fixed many small errors and even replaced some words and sentences with others to make it sound better. I even found a point where I felt the need to insert the feelings that I had at that point in time, so I think I will read it one more time before Wednesday night's class to make sure I really wanted that thought included in my paper (sometimes I get carried away, but usually I can catch myself and fix it before I go too far).
Overall, I think that revisions that I've made over the course of creating the paper have been helpful in making my paper sound more relatable and less like a technical, dry research paper. My ideas have been inserted more than actual quotes from other people so I think that makes my paper show more feeling; I am talking about why students from different culture backgrounds receive an unequal treatment in schools, which in turn is the reason for the achievement gap, so there should be real feeling involved in order to sway my readers into believing what I do. Thus, to me, showing my voice in this writing rather than using someone else's voice is most important.
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