Week 11-Creative Writing Workshop

After receiving feedback, I learned about a few sentences that completely contradict the point I am trying to make! Oops! I can see why I added those sentences, and I know what I was trying to say when I wrote it, but now that someone else read it and explained what they thought I was saying I realize it definitely doesn't fit. So, I need to work on changing them around to get my point across or just remove them altogether. I'm fine with either option. She also pointed out to me a really good idea I had in my paper and mentioned that I should expand on it a little more. She's right. The paragraph is very short and I can definitely give a few more ideas around the topic that needs expanding.